you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
