Ambien. No doubt about it.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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