Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
