I wanna bring you to show and tell
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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