And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
