I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
