This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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