I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
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Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
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the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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