she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
3pm strippers are depressing
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
