My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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