Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
