when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
im on a boat
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