"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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