the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
