I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I have fence marks all over my body
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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