At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize