SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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