You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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