Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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