...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
there is glitter all over my balls
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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