I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
