They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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