Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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