I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
