i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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