so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
