She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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