I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
We left an ass print on the piano.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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