just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
