She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
