Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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