He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Green mimosas i think yes
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
