ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
