HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She bit a glass in half.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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