you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
