Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
