Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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