i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
zippers are such a cool invention
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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