Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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