at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
