Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
