omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
