Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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