And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
