Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
