Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
