as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
