I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
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