Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
