He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
