if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
