I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
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Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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