i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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