after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
We talked him into tasing himself.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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