Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
