Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
