She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
