super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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