After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
