I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize