Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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