Are we in a gay sports bar?
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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