I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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