I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
