found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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