I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
